DADDY'S DAY . . .

I wanted to write something for Father's Day . . . or at least about Father's Day . . . but it was a busy weekend, so I didn't get a chance . . . But it has stayed on my mind, so I think I will, even though it is a little late . . .

Father's Day is one of those holidays that many people have a hard time with . . . me, included, I guess. I didn't have a good father . . . I mean, he could have been much worse . . . but in many ways the nicest thing he did for us was not be very involved. It feels awful and disloyal to say that . . . but I spent my childhood mostly avoiding him . . . and flinching and/or ducking every time he moved unexpectedly . . . watching for little cues that his temper was about to blow . . . His choices . . . his actions and his attitudes did a lot of damage that had to be healed from . . . slowly and painfully and laboriously . . .

When I married, I knew that I wanted to be with someone who wanted a family, too . . . someone who would be involved with the raising and nurturing of the children we brought into the world . . . the precious little spirits entrusted to our care. Those were very busy years . . . money was always tight . . . time was always tight . . . and it was easy to be critical of how differently from me he parented . . . I had a big wish list that I tried valiantly to impose on him . . . I wished he would help more . . . I wished he were more involved with the day-to-day millions of little things that took time and effort . . . faces to be washed . . . teeth to be brushed . . . stories to be read . . . prayers to be said . . . LOL . . . those years are deeply satisfying, but lets face it . . . they are also exhausting . . .

I can see now, looking back, that I spent a lot of time feeling resentful and critical of things that were not matters of right or wrong . . . not even good and better . . . mostly they were things that were simply different than my way of doing things . . . I got caught up in MY way of doing things, (LOL . . . clearly the RIGHT way) and felt resentful way too often when he did things HIS way instead of exactly like I did . . .

So many of the things I grumbled about, really did not matter at all . . . and as I look at the relationship that our children have with their father NOW. . . I can see more clearly what a very good man he is . . . and that he always was . . . I love that our children genuinely LIKE their dad . . . They don't do (I don't think) 'duty' visits/contacts . . . they ENJOY spending time with him . . . hanging out . . . laughing . . . bantering . . . going for motorcycle rides . . . going to hitty, sweaty, testosterone-laden movies . . . They both respect him AND feel respected BY him . . . and none of them are afraid of him in any way . . . They each KNOW that they . . . their significant others . . . and their children are absolutely safe in his company and his care . . . and furthermore, they each know -- deep down in their souls -- that their father loves them and would do, literally, anything in his power to ensure their happiness and safety and success . . .

I didn't have a very good dad . . . but my kids' did . . . and do . . . I am so grateful that I didn't repeat a dysfunctional pattern, but was able to make a conscious decision to have a healthier family dynamic (not perfect, mind you, but much healthier) . . . and I hope with all my heart that my children are able to build on that and do the parenting thing even better in their own families . . .

Happy Father's day to any and all fathers and potential fathers (a little late) . . . It is a sacred responsibility to be entrusted with the nurturing and guardianship of these precious little children . . . and THANK YOU, Mark . . . for all these years of sharing that with me . . . I always, always, always knew that I wanted a family . . . thank you for helping to make that possible . . .