FEELING FRIED . . .

I hurt . . .


Who would have thought that a mellow. sunny San Diego day that was not too hot and had a sweet whisper of a breeze could be SO sneaky?!?


We made sure the menfolk had hats and were lathered with sunscreen . . . ditto for the kidlets . . . but I didn't use any at all . . . and I am VERY ouchie . . . I am sunburned everywhere I wasn't covered with clothes, but it it by FAR the worst on my forehead and the part in my hair . . . It hurt horribly yesterday and today still hurts AND itches like crazy (a sure sign it will shortly peel) . . .


HOW could I have been so dumb as to not seek shade . . . wear a hat . . . and/or use SUNSCREEN . . . ?!?!??


Sea World was fun, though . . . the little ones had a blast (ironically they were MOST delighted by splashing in a puddle and watching trained kitties and doggies perform) . . . We tramped all over, cheered ourselves hoarse, ooooh'd and aaaaaaah'd over the animals' antics and T and I got those delightful concoctions known as funnel cakes . . . MAN those are good!!! She got the strawberries and creme one and I got the caramel apple one and they were absolutely heavenly . . . We stayed late (for Sea World) and didn't leave the park til probably nine or nine thirty, then got lost on the way home and ended up taking the 'scenic' way back . . . I would not dream of teasing the driver though (HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAH!!!) but it WAS a teensy bit funny for Mr-I-don't-need-no-stinkin'-directions to have to go the long way around to get home . . .


I could barely walk the next day, I am burned to a crisp, but it was a fun day spent with some of my very favorite people in the universe!!!


YAY for Shamu and friends!!!! =o)

TASTES LIKE CHILDHOOD . . .

My mom made the most incredible homemade cinnamon rolls . . . I can still vividly remember the smell, slightly cinnamon-y and sweet and yeasty . . . first baking in the oven, then cooling on the counter as she iced them with a glaze that melted into them perfectly.

She was a good cook, and made a lot of things really well . . . but one of the very best was her cinnamon rolls . . . Eating them was a sensory-rich treat, a delectable smorgasbord of the bread-y roll, the sweetness of the sugary filling and the plump, juicy raisins, the spicy cinnamon that made them smell heavenly and kept them from being TOO sweet . . . all topped off with the sweet icing glaze that helped to keep the rolls from drying out . . . and kept them soft and tender . . .

It was a WONDERFUL treat to come home from school, throw open the front door and have that mouth-watering aroma greet you . . . Whatever little indignities and humiliations that the day had involved . . . whatever disappointments had been encountered with friends and school assignments . . . whatever huge projects were hanging menacingly overhead . . . ALL of that was shelved for a bit and left behind in the rush to respond to the delicious homemade goodness of her cinnamon rolls . . .

Oh, she didn't make them that often, but the times that she did DO stand out in my memory . . . Savoring those rolls, in a childhood world where calories and cholesterol didn't yet exist . . . not only filled my tummy . . . they also nourished my heart and soul. I didn't have a perfect childhood (LOL . . . does any one, really?) but I knew my mom loved me unconditionally . . . and I always, always, always felt safe when she was there . . . I knew that nothing really bad could ever happen while my mom was around . . .

The other day I got SUCH a strong craving for cinnamon rolls . . . MAN . . . I could almost SMELL them . . . but I recognized that it wasn't a matter of running to the bakery and buying one . . . or cracking open a tube of pillsbury's finest to pop in the oven . . . or even digging out her old recipe and whipping up a batch . . .

What I was actually craving was that childhood memory of unconditional love . . . and safety . . . the world where nothing REALLY bad could happen, because my mom wouldn't let it . . . where I felt absolutely safe . . . and protected . . . and loved . . .

SIGH . . .

How I wish it was that easy . . . to make everything all better for the people that I love . . .

I could really use a pan of magic cinnamon rolls . . .

DADDY'S DAY . . .

I wanted to write something for Father's Day . . . or at least about Father's Day . . . but it was a busy weekend, so I didn't get a chance . . . But it has stayed on my mind, so I think I will, even though it is a little late . . .

Father's Day is one of those holidays that many people have a hard time with . . . me, included, I guess. I didn't have a good father . . . I mean, he could have been much worse . . . but in many ways the nicest thing he did for us was not be very involved. It feels awful and disloyal to say that . . . but I spent my childhood mostly avoiding him . . . and flinching and/or ducking every time he moved unexpectedly . . . watching for little cues that his temper was about to blow . . . His choices . . . his actions and his attitudes did a lot of damage that had to be healed from . . . slowly and painfully and laboriously . . .

When I married, I knew that I wanted to be with someone who wanted a family, too . . . someone who would be involved with the raising and nurturing of the children we brought into the world . . . the precious little spirits entrusted to our care. Those were very busy years . . . money was always tight . . . time was always tight . . . and it was easy to be critical of how differently from me he parented . . . I had a big wish list that I tried valiantly to impose on him . . . I wished he would help more . . . I wished he were more involved with the day-to-day millions of little things that took time and effort . . . faces to be washed . . . teeth to be brushed . . . stories to be read . . . prayers to be said . . . LOL . . . those years are deeply satisfying, but lets face it . . . they are also exhausting . . .

I can see now, looking back, that I spent a lot of time feeling resentful and critical of things that were not matters of right or wrong . . . not even good and better . . . mostly they were things that were simply different than my way of doing things . . . I got caught up in MY way of doing things, (LOL . . . clearly the RIGHT way) and felt resentful way too often when he did things HIS way instead of exactly like I did . . .

So many of the things I grumbled about, really did not matter at all . . . and as I look at the relationship that our children have with their father NOW. . . I can see more clearly what a very good man he is . . . and that he always was . . . I love that our children genuinely LIKE their dad . . . They don't do (I don't think) 'duty' visits/contacts . . . they ENJOY spending time with him . . . hanging out . . . laughing . . . bantering . . . going for motorcycle rides . . . going to hitty, sweaty, testosterone-laden movies . . . They both respect him AND feel respected BY him . . . and none of them are afraid of him in any way . . . They each KNOW that they . . . their significant others . . . and their children are absolutely safe in his company and his care . . . and furthermore, they each know -- deep down in their souls -- that their father loves them and would do, literally, anything in his power to ensure their happiness and safety and success . . .

I didn't have a very good dad . . . but my kids' did . . . and do . . . I am so grateful that I didn't repeat a dysfunctional pattern, but was able to make a conscious decision to have a healthier family dynamic (not perfect, mind you, but much healthier) . . . and I hope with all my heart that my children are able to build on that and do the parenting thing even better in their own families . . .

Happy Father's day to any and all fathers and potential fathers (a little late) . . . It is a sacred responsibility to be entrusted with the nurturing and guardianship of these precious little children . . . and THANK YOU, Mark . . . for all these years of sharing that with me . . . I always, always, always knew that I wanted a family . . . thank you for helping to make that possible . . .

TAG . . . YOU'RE IT . . .

I am resistant to doing these 'me-me' tags . . . because I am simply not that interesting . . . but I can't think of anything else to write, so to keep me in the habit of blogging, I will do Tania's tag . . .

8 THINGS I DID YESTERDAY

1. Dragged my husband to a craft show, since my craft show buddy is far away . . . (he was actually fairly patient and made NO audible gagging noises at ALL)

2. Went to Costco where he was far happier . . . YAY for free samples of yummy food!!!

3. Cooked him his father's day dinner (steak, corn on the cob, potatoes, and a chocolate eclair) since tonight is someone's birthday dinner, and he will be gone Sunday.

4. Found out that I did, indeed, get an "A" in geology this past semester . . . WHOO HOOO!!!!!

5. Watched probably the LAMEST, most BORING mst3K video EVER made about air force pilots. I LOVE mystery science theater 3000 (and yeah, I know that ALL the movies they spoof are horrendously bad) but this one was way lamer than most . . .

6. Um . . . got dressed . . .

7. Battled a headache all day . . .

8. Passed out at ten thirty, way early for me (and no, these are not in chronological order) . . . =oP

8 FAVORITE TV SHOWS:

1. The Office (the only one that truly qualifies as a 'favorite')

2. Castle (the new show about a mystery writer working with the police department)

3. House (though sometimes his personality REALLY grates on me)

4. Bones (the lead woman in that show reminds me of pictures I have seen of my mom when she was young)

5. Burn Notice

6. WOW WOW Wubzies (yeah, I watch it with little M)

7. Sesame Street (ditto)

8. Backyardigans (yeah . . . with him)

LOL actually this makes it look like I watch a lot of TV, and I don't . . . The Office is probably the only thing that I think "oh dang" if tivo doesn't record it . . .

8 FAVORITE EATS:

1. Anything Mexican or Tex-Mex, minus sour cream and guacamole . . . especially enchiladas and tacos . . .

2. Italian food . . . like lasagna and spaghetti . . .

3. Homemade bread . . . MMMMM . . . the fun of kneading it and baking it . . . the smell of it cooking . . . and the DELICIOUSNESS of fresh, homemade bread . . .

4. Homemade soup with big chunks of veggies . . . it just TASTES nourishing and healthy and like it as good FOR me as it tastes TO me . . .

5. My mom's homemade cinnamon rolls . . . the taste of childhood . . . YUM!!!

6. Boiled wheat . . . I absolutely LOVE the taste and consistency of boiled wheat with a little brown sugar on it . . . my kids say it is like chewing an old tire (though how they know this, I have never asked) . . . but I LOVE it . . . it is filling and SO nourishing and you don't get hungry again FOREVER . . .

7. Peanut butter M&Ms . . . =o)

8. Corn on the cob, with melted butter, salt and pepper . . . I hate that it takes forever to get the little thingies out of your teeth afterwards, but it is SOOOOoooOOOOOOO good!!!!

8 THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO:

1. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO classes this summer!!!!!

2. Finishing my final two classes in the Fall, before I transfer and begin working on my NEXT degree . . . sigh . . .

3. Sewing more this summer . . . I am just ITCHING to get back into that . . . I used to sew SO much ALL the time . . . it was my creative outlet, and all of the sudden I really really miss it and want to get back into it . . .

4. Finishing up the castle room so it looks all cool and inviting and less like a 'garage' upstairs where everything gets sort of shoved when we don't know where else to put it . . .

5. Getting back into a bikini . . . (LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK, not really . . . I think that ship has long since sailed, but I was just seeing if anyone was awake still)

6. Having the summer months with fewer demands and deadlines so that I can get back in to my routine of walking every day (or night) . . . I have MISSED it, and I can feel such a difference . . .

7. Writing . . . I do not need a degree to write, so I want to put more time and effort into just writing on a daily basis . . .

8. More time to enjoy family and visitors and maybe even do some visiting this summer!!! =o)

8 THINGS ON MY WISH LIST:

1. Getting in better, healthier shape.

2. That my loved ones be healthy and happy.

3. Returning to the temple.

4. Reaching important personal goals.

5. To be a better support/cheerleader/encouragement to friends and family -- the people that I love (and even to the people I don't like that well) ;o)

6. To do better about following the promptings of the Spirit.

7. To find a healthier balance even when I am IN school, so that my life is not so consumed by the challenges and projects of my classes.

8. To run in a marathon (yeah . . . really . . . ME)

8 THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:

1. My faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

2. My husband who doesn't always 'get' me . . . but who loves me anyways.

3. My five amazing, too-smart-for-their-own-good, wickedly funny, good-hearted children . . . who are not children any longer . . . but who have each blessed and enriched my life beyond measure.

3. The amazing, dynamic, multi-talented, interesting people that my children have added to our family circle . . . I am in awe of the caliber of the people they have chosen to love, and who we have had the opportunity and blessing of welcoming into our extended family circle . . .

4. Five (almost six) of the MOST adorable, gorgeous, incredible, absolutely brilliant grandchildren EVER born in this universe . . . They have been SO much fun to welcome and love and watch as they begin to blossom into the people they will become . . . I hope that I am around for many, many more years so I can continue to watch them in awe . . .

5. My extended family . . . I have the best sisters EVER . . . and I am grateful for their friendship and encouragement and support (and the many reminders of every stupid thing I ever did as a child) and I love the people -- spouses and children -- that each of them have also added to the family circle . . .

6. My mind . . . I love that I can always find things to laugh about, and find enjoyment in, no matter how bleak things might be, and I especially love that I absolutely love the process of learning new things . . . Those two things have been SUCH a blessing to me in my life . . .

7. Forgiveness . . . I am thankful that when I see that something in my life is hurting the people I love, or that I have somehow gotten off track in some way, that I know I can make a course correction -- no matter how uncomfortable or difficult that may be -- and make things right . . .

8. The knowledge that my Heavenly Father both KNOWS me . . . and that He LOVES me . . . with all my weaknesses and imperfections, and my excruciatingly slow progress at becoming more like Him . . . This gives me the courage to hang in there and keep trying and not simply settling for what I already am . . .

OK . . . I wont tag anybody, because I don't know anyone who blogs who hasn't already done this . . . This was, indeed, more difficult than it seemed like it would/should be . . .

LOL . . . =oP to Tania for tagging me . . . ;o)

WEDNESDAY WEIRDNESS . . .

The past few days have been . . . just weird . . .

I am done with my classes, the semester is over (YAY!!) . . . so a great deal of the pressure is off now, which is really nice. I am waiting to hear what I got in one of my classes, but the one I was most concerned about, I know I DID pass, so I am delighted . . . The other class, I think I will get an A . . . That is what I expect. If for some reason I didn't, I will at least get a B . . . and that would be perfectly acceptable. I know I tried my best.

So . . . I should be feeling this HUGE sense of relief, right? Pressure is off . . . I have no homework to do, nothing I 'should' be working on, hanging over my head every minute . . . but . . . I don't. I just feel a little . . . well . . . lost. . .

I have training for work all this week . . . I get paid for it, so the fact that it is not really exciting, doesn't matter, really. I am still trying to decide IF I want to work this summer (or take the summer off completely and start back in the Fall) and if I do decide I want to work, what days . . . what hours . . .

I have SOOO many projects around the house to get to and to finish up . . . I want to deep clean and finish painting the mural on the grandkids castle room . . . maybe take down the crib, since although little M still requests to sleep in it when he is here, he sleeps in a bed at home, so he should be fine on the bottom bunk . . . it is low and comfortable . . . The crib will be needed again when GR is born in October, but I know T will want it downstairs when she comes to visit so her baby is with her, not way upstairs . . .

I also intend to DEEP clean and ORGANIZE all the stuff in the master bedroom . . . MAN . . . all those books and papers and just STUFF . . . Maybe someday I will have a sewing room to move all that paraphenalia into . . . but if not, it still needs to be better organized so I can find what I need when I need it. I don't do nearly as much sewing as I used to . . . but if it were easier to get to things, perhaps I would sew more than I do now. I love doing it, and I have all these little critters to sew for . . . It is a very satisfying, creative outlet . . .

I guess maybe the funk I am in is just because I am having to totally change gears from school mode (frantic, stressed, overwhelmed) back to 'real' life . . . where I largely get to set my own deadlines (if I choose to) and can pace myself however I want . . .

I think that I am not very good at switching gears and being flexible . . . Weird, huh? You would think that by now, with all the curves life has thrown at me while I was busy making other plans I would have learned that life is all ABOUT flexibility, and the need to adapt and roll with the punches . . .

Somehow I REALLY thought I would be smarter and have things more 'together' by this point in my life . . . LOL . . . What a rude awakening . . . =o/

REACHING OUT

At church today, one of the speakers in Sacrement Meeting told a story . . .

When he was in college, he went hiking with a group of friends. He lived in Arizona, somewhere near Phoenix, and they often hiked together, when it wasn't too hot. He was the only guy in this group of friends . . . and because of this, he had a tendency to try to show off and impress his female friends . . .

On one particular hike, they started into a canyon where they hadn't been before, and hiked for a couple of hours before reaching a dead end . . . The canyon ended at a sheer rock face, to the best of his estimates, probably 75 feet high. A little in front of the cliffs was a shallow pool, where the canyon floor dipped a little. They were hot and tired, and now faced the prospect of returning back the way they had come and never making it to their planned 'point B'.

As they sat on the rocks around the pool discussing their predicament, another group of hikers showed up. These hikers obviously were well acquainted with the area, and were dressed, ready to climb the sheer rock face. They had on climbing shoes, those fingerless gloves, and after stopping for a quick drink, they began scaling the cliff.

The man who spoke today said he watched them for a minute and noted that though they had special shoes and gloves, they did not have rope or pitons . . . none of the extra, specialized climbing gear with them . . . which made him think maybe it was a fairly easy climb and wanting to impress the girls he was with, (and without much thought) he started up after them.

He was not a climber, and not experienced, but he tried to keep an eye on the men ahead . . . so that he could reach for the crevices they had reached for . . . and so he would know where to put his hands and feet.

He did this for awhile, until he reached for a crevice, and found nothing but smooth, vertical rock under his fingers, no matter how far he stretched or which direction he reached. He suddenly realized how stupid what he had done was . . . He was on a sheer rock face, about fifty feet from the ground, and still a good twenty five feet from the top . . . following a group he was not a part of, and which in all likelihood who had no idea he was even behind them.

As he was frozen there against the rock, his toes gripping a tiny crevice, and only having a handhold for one hand, he realized that he was truly stuck. His grip was fading fast, and his muscles, unaccustomed and untrained for this kind of a workout were trembling with exhaustion.

His friends on the canyon floor saw him pause and began shouting encouragement, but they were too far below to see how panicky he felt, and too far away to offer any help. He prayed, but no big hand from the sky scooped him up and deposited him either up or down, and so he decided that his only option was to push off from the rock face and jump, trying to clear the rocks and make it to the shallow pond. Hopefully there was enough water to cushion his fall, which would (if he did manage to clear the rocks, which was unlikely) perhaps keep the damage to a few broken bones, and save his life.

He was more frightened than he had ever been in his life . . . but he knew that simply trying to stay on the rockface while he grew more and more fatigued was a very bad idea . . . and there were simply no other options.

Just as he was ready to let go of his precarious grip and jump, suddenly a hand grabbed his arm and an unfamiliar voice said, "here, buddy, let me give you a hand".

One of the climbers HAD inexplicably noticed him following, seen he was in trouble, and climbed back down to where he could reach him and offer help. The man -- a total stranger that he had never seen before, nor since -- took his arm and pulled him up to the next ledge, then stayed with him, guiding him, encouraging him and helping him to the top.

This story just REALLY touched my heart today . . . As I look back on my life, I can see SO many times and places, where I got myself into a predicament or perhaps just FOUND myself in a predicament of some kind and someone -- often someone unexpected -- reached out a hand to help.

I am more grateful than I can express for my family and extended family and friends and even various strangers who have been 'life savers' for me over the years . . . so for all of those who will never read this . . . and all of you who do or might . . .

Thank you . . .

You may never know just how much your smiles, your kindness, your encouraging words, your friendship have meant to me . . .

But I will never forget . . .

UP UP AND AWAY . . .

Last night we went out to celebrate surviving the semester from heck . . . Since M#2 also just survived a semester from heck, we decided to celebrate together . . . so the four of us went out for the evening, which was really fun. It is incredibly wonderful to be able to just enjoy your children as PEOPLE even when they don't 'need' you anymore . . .

At #2's request the movie we saw was "UP" . . . I had never really heard anything much about it . . . but the little I had seen/heard left me with absolutely NO desire to see the movie . . . I confess that I went to be a good sport, not because I cared about the movie at all . . . And I have to admit that I didn't just endure it . . . I LIKED it . . . no, actually, I LOVED it . . .

I REALLY loved it . . . I don't know that a child would like it . . . I mean it IS animated and all . . . but the nuances of the story were really pretty adult. Not naked, sweaty bodies kind of adult . . . just very subtle and insightful and profound kind of adult. It deals with old dreams . . . the meaning of life . . . being open to new adventures when you think you are just DONE . . . and learning to care about more than just yourself . . . It also deals with the loss of face . . . and how focusing on that can twist someone in ways that lead down dark paths . . .

My M didn't like it much . . . but the rest of us did, and *I* absolutely loved it . . . I didn't expect an animated movie to make me THINK . . . but this one did . . . and I suspect I will be thinking about it for awhile . . . I love movies that . . . linger . . . like that . . .

Then we went out to eat and STUFFED ourselves . . . (and it was fun . . . M #1 joined us since we picked a place that was on his 'beat') Everything was SOOOO good . . . but man, I think ALL of us just HURT afterwards . . . and we STILL brought home tons of leftovers . . . which D #2 got to enjoy when he got home from work . . .

It was a fun evening . . . delightful company . . . a good, thought-provoking movie . . . delicious food . . .

All in all, pretty much the PERFECT way to celebrate the end of a GRUELING semester . . . YAY!!! =o)

SNAIL MAIL IS FRIENDLIEST . . .

I love love LOVE snail mail . . .

I know that email is faster . . . that text messages are faster still . . .

But there is just something about receiving something TANGIBLE in the mail (so it is delivered randomly . . . sometimes VERY randomly) when you are not expecting anything . . . Something you can read and reread and stick in your pocket . . . use it as a bookmark . . . carry with you for when you are nowhere near a computer or your phone . . .

Maybe, in part, because it DOES take more effort . . . You have to find an envelope . . . a stamp . . . a mailbox . . . but it just is SUCH a lift to your spirits to find something NOT trying to sell you something OR demanding payment waiting for you in the mailbox . . .

YAY for snail mail!!!! =o)

FINISH LINE . . . WHEW . . .

I am on my way to bed, but I gotta say that I am EXHAUSTED . . . but I know that I am as ready as I could be for my Algebra final tomorrow . . .

Math is not my thing . . . It has never come easily for me, and I have worked my tail off this semester (in every way except the way that would be NICE, dangit) . . . I have attended EVERY class . . . paid rapt attention . . . taken copious notes of every lecture . . . read the textbook in addition to my VOLUMES of class notes . . . and done every SINGLE scrap of homework . . . Not just completed it, but kept at it and kept at it until I understood the concepts . . . I have studied for every test and exam and quiz . . .

I do NOT feel READY for the final tomorrow . . . but I DO feel calm . . . I know that I have done everything I can to prepare for it . . . If I don't pass, it will be a shame . . . but not the end of the world. There are a LOT worse things to endure than having to repeat a class . . .

So . . . I intend to get a good night's sleep tonight, then get up and say a prayer that I will be able to not stress. and just remember the things that I have learned and studied and practiced so diligently all semester . . .

I will take the test tomorrow . . . and do my best . . . and then I am FINALLY done . . .

WHEW . . .

SUNDAY SWEETNESS . . .

It was my turn to give the Relief Society lesson today (the three of us in the presidency rotate turns on the first Sundays of each month) . . . This was such a hard, stressful week with finishing up school stuff and studying my little butt off for finals, so I had prepared my lesson a few weeks ago, to help be more organized and make it less stressful. I felt really good about what I had prepared (there is no set lesson for these . . . we just try to prayerfully select something that will be of value to the sisters) . . . but that experience with my friend in the convalescent home just STUCK in my mind . . .

So at the very last minute (late last night) I switched, and shared that experience . . . and then talked about service, in general. I shared some other experiences (and scriptures) about service, and how good it is FOR us to be willing to stretch out of our comfort zone and be more aware of and more in tune with the people around us.

Being or becoming more service oriented allows us to be more of a blessing in the lives of the people around us (even if much of the service is just in little tiny things) . . . it helps us be less selfish and self absorbed and wrapped up in our own problems . . . and it helps us be closer to the Savior . . . something which is very important to me . . .

Anyhow, it was really a sweet experience . . . I am SO glad that I switched my lesson to this . . . What started out as a very bad Sunday (I overslept . . . felt sick to my stomach all morning . . . was very late to church . . . forgot an important part of my lesson at home . . . UGH . . . in fact, pretty much everything this morning leading up to my lesson was an absolute disaster) . . . Still, the experience of sharing those thoughts in the actual meeting was really beautiful . . . there was just a very sweet spirit there . . .

I love the sisterhood we share in Relief Society . . . Having so many sisters growing up, I wondered if anything could ever match that closeness and sweetness ever again in my life . . . and the answer is, a wholehearted YES . . . I have MILLIONS of sisters world wide, and I am truly honored to be counted among them . . .

WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT?

UGH . . .

DOUBLE ugh . . .

Maybe even TRIPLE ugh . . .

My place of employment has decided that we will from henceforth have manditory uniforms. Most of the employees are students, and some students tend to dress very casually . . . one might even be tempted to say 'sloppily' . . . or on occassion, 'provocatively'. So I kind of get where they are coming from . . .

In the past one lab aid had to (about half the time) go turn his T shirt inside out because what was on it was so offensive (and STUDENTS complained . . . not STAFF . . . not TEACHERS . . . STUDENTS . . . the pictures/sayings must have been pretty offensive to have STUDENTS complaining . . .)

I also know that with warm weather approaching, the temptation for workers to wear revealing tank tops, tube tops, crop tops and very short shorts is strong . . .(Um . . . no, not for ME but for other lab aides/tutors). So this is an attempt to avoid things that have caused problems in the past, and to encourage workers to behave more professionally and treat this as a JOB, not a place to hang out and flirt . . . (Um . . . also, not ME, but others . . . yeah).

I get that, I really do. If they instituted and enforced even a STRICT dress code, I would be fine with that, like 'shorts must be at least mid thigh', or 'to the knee', and 'midriffs must be covered', or 'no visible cleavage'. I would even be okay with them picking a color we needed to wear while on the job so that we were easily identifiable. I always dress and behave professionally; that is not a problem for me at all.

My problem is that (1) They cut everybody's pay (I lost $2.50 an hour) down to what a starting lab aid/tutor makes . . . because there was no money in the budget. HMMMM . . . and yet that very same budget that had no money to pay us our EARNED merit raises based on performance and length of employment has enough money NOW to order shirts for everybody. Which leads to (2) which is simply, that I HATE polo shirts. HATE them . . . not just 'prefer not to wear them' . . . I have -- to my recollection -- NEVER owned a polo shirt because I find them ugly and unflattering. I think most MEN look okay in them, and some VERY SKINNY women . . . but even when I was thin, I never liked them on ME. (Um . . . sorry if anyone reading this absolutely LOVES polo shirts . . . this is just MY opinion).

Anyhow, they cut my pay because there was 'no money', (not JUST mine . . . everybody's except those who JUST got hired) but 'found' money in that very same budget to buy ugly, unflattering shirts which we are required to wear now.

UGH . . .

All we lack is the rule that we must now say "would you like fries with that?" after each appointment . . .

I'M MELTING . . . I'M MELTING . . .

It's weird . . .

I am done with classes . . . I turned in my research paper yesterday, which was also my last day of tutoring for Spring Semester, so all I have left is a Geology final Monday, and then a Math final on Wednesday.

Don't get me wrong, I will be FRANTICALLY stuffing my head with formulas and memorizing eras and eons and clasts and what rock crystals turn to what at what temperatures, etc, for the next few days . . . trying to remind myself of every thing I have learned this semester and get it to STICK, a little longer . . .

But yesterday when I got home from school and work, despite a raging headache, I felt . . . I don't know . . . at loose ends . . .

Weird, huh?

Maybe I have been in school so long, I am too used to the stress and stimulation of deadlines and stretchy projects . . . I mean, I SHOULD feel (or be BEGINNING to feel) a HUGE sense of relief . . .

This IS the home stretch . . . and if I did NO studying between now and then, I would definitely pass my Geology final (though I might only get a "B" in the class even if I DO study frantically . . . so that might lower me to a LOW B or even a "C") . . .

. . . and I might not pass the Math final at all (with no studying . . . or heck . . . maybe even with FRANTIC studying) . . . but that doesn't really bother me, weirdly enough. I KNOW that I know this stuff . . . I sometimes make stupid little arithmetic errors, or transpose a sign or even occasionally use the wrong formula (or attempt to) . . . but I KNOW this stuff . . . I understand the underlying principles and I can DO this . . .

So if worst comes to worst, and I don't pass Math . . . I know that I will when I retake it. And as much as I enjoy my professor's delightfully warped sense of humor, I would take it a second time from someone else . . . someone whose tests let you show your work to get at least partial credit . . . I KNOW I would pass it next time . . . BUT I am still holding out hope that I pass this class this first time around . . .

So, since I still have a couple of days of cramming left, I have no idea why I would feel at loose ends NOW . . .

I think I will need to think of lots of projects for this summer and impose 'deadlines' on myself so I don't simply melt into a pile of goo like the wicked witch, splashed with water . . .

HEY . . . I wonder if I could find a picture of that to use for my little icon here . . .

HMMMMMMM . . .

HANGING ON BY MY FINGERNAILS . . .

I am SOOOOOoooOOOOOOO busy, til a week from Wednesday . . . when this semester will TRULY be over . . .

I had a test in Geology today . . . I have to finish a research paper (my first this WHOLE semester which is very weird because in the Fall, every class I had required multiple papers and I was always writing/revising/brainstorming/polishing SOME paper -- or usually several simultaneously) . . . then for a 'break' I teach the RS lesson on Sunday . . . and then I have to finish studying for two comprehensive finals . . .

Then . . . I am -- TA DA -- DDDDOOOONNNNEEEEEEE . . . til Fall . . .

I will work a few days a week this summer (to earn money towards Fall's tuition and books) . . . but there is no homework to tutoring . . . I just have to show up and work with students, so it will still be a break . . .

I am ALMOST there . . . almost . . .