Today is just a totally BLAH day . . .
It is weird how some days are so energized and productive and some just . . . are . . . NOT . . . And it has little to do with how I feel physically . . . or even emotionally (or spiritually) . . . It has little to do with what NEEDS to be done . . . There is no rhyme or reason to a 'blah' day . . . They just sort of sneak up and sandbag you . . .
WHOMPH . . . and you are down for the count . . .
I have no idea why today is a blah day . . . I got a lot done this morning (though somehow it never really FEELS like a productive day when I stay in my jammies til noon . . . only because I wasn't leaving the house yet) . . . I cleaned and organized my desk top (which will last about thirty seconds) . . . I cleaned out toys that had been accumulating other places besides the toy chest (they sort of migrate towards the tub little M bathes in and the bedroom where he sleeps when he spends the night) . . . so now the little car/truck/vehicle drawer is full again . . . as is the animal drawer (which had been missing several KEY godzilla-type creatures . . . and the most ferocious and blood thirsty of all the 'people' we have here at gramma's house have all been returned and neatly catagorized into the proper drawer . . . YAY . . .
Then I spent several hours going over our bills and my MIL's bills . . . organizing them and writing out checks, etc . . . The ORGANIZING takes a lot longer than the actual PAYING . . . but I did it all . . .
so I cannot actually say I got NOTHING done today . . .
Still, despite all those things, it FEELS like a 'I got nothing done today' kinda day . . .
I hate that feeling . . .
Maybe it is because I was such a master at getting out of chores when I was a kid and smack dab in the middle of the 'hardest working kids on the block' . . . I was SO proud of that designation . . . though I am not exactly sure WHY, since all MY efforts and not-inconsiderable skills went into AVOIDING actually DOING any of the work we were so well known for . . .
Perhaps that is the curse of being the clever daughter of a very hard working mama . . . Yeah, short term, *I* won . . . I DID get out of a lot of the family work details . . . (did I mention that I had SKILLS?!?!??) However, LONG term, I didn't win at all . . . because I am haunted with this vague sense of guilt at being SO good at getting out of work, that I was not LIKE my adored mom . . .
Soooooooooo . . . now . . . years and years and YEARS down the road . . . I still have this vague, unsettled, uneasiness DEEP down inside that secretly I am flat out LAZY . . .
UGH . . . I don't WANT to be lazy . . . and I honestly do not think that I AM . . . but . . . I have this teensy little sneaking suspicion that maybe . . . just MAYBE . . . DEEP down inside . . . I AM . . .
And IF I am . . . my mom would NOT be proud of me . . . =o/
SEE?!?
THAT is the curse of being the too-smart-for-her-own-good daughter of a hard-working mom . . . SIGH . . .
I know that she LOVED me . . . but was she PROUD of me?!?
I think in a way, we are all lazy! I know I am lol I procrastinate on things until they HAVE to be done. Ex- Laundry! I hate it, so we go for up to 3-4 weeks straight without doing laundry! Which is pretty disturbing thinking that we have THAT much clothes that we can do that! Its also sad because by the time I do laundry some clothes that fit Gabe 3 or 4 weeks ago dont fit him anymore, and he only got to wear them once or twice. Then when its finally TIME to get the laundry done, I whine and complain that I hate doing laundry, and vow to do it at least once a week and then when the week rolls around I decide I can do it NEXT week LOL And its a vicious cycle LOL
ReplyDeleteSo don't feel bad, I dont think you are lazy. I think it's natural for all of us to not want to do something. And thats not bad (o: I think your Mom would be proud of you (o:
I don't think Tania is lazy- and I don't think you're lazy, mom. I'm much better at avoiding work than you are, and would you say you're proud of me?
ReplyDeleteYou're not lazy- and you didn't raise lazy children. Think of the number of times as kids we went off to help with service projects- I'm still helping people move pretty much week after week, David helps friends-of-friends with their projects.
I think that speaks better to your (and Dad's) work ethic than anything else.
Also, Tania, we will totally do your laundry when we're living with you, because I like doing laundry.
Well move in this weekend, because we have 3 weeks worth of laundry piling up waiting for you LOL
ReplyDelete