MONDAY MUSINGS . . .

In the past few weeks, I feel like I have either been involved in or overheard so many conversations that were filled with various kinds of doom and gloom . . .

I understand that there are plenty of things to be upset about . . . plenty of things to disagree on . . . plenty of things going on in the world, and with the economy -- let alone in our personal lives and situations -- to have reasons to be discouraged and depressed and overwhelmed . . . I understand that . . .

I know that MANY have been dealing with job losses, or cutbacks . . . uncertainties . . . heartaches in relationships . . . bitterness about the loss of relationships or potential relationships . . . and added to all that, this time of year with its myriad of festive holiday celebrations can be added reasons to be sad or maybe depressed or even cynical . . .

I also understand the need to be able to vent freely . . . I am not one that minds when people DO feel a need to express anger and hurt and frustration. Been there, done that myself, a time or two . . .

Still, the sheer level of anger, discouragement and pessimism in so MANY people has gotten me thinking. Some people are angry about the materialism and selfishness of the holidays . . . some are busy decrying the evils of politics . . . or religion . . . or family situations . . .

I want to try to share why -- in such a troubling, scary, uncertain world -- *I* am not discouraged or overwhelmed or ready to give up . . . I know what I say here will not address anyone's life experiences other than my own . . . but I still want to try to share what is in MY heart today . . .

I am grateful for my extended family relationships . . . as imperfect and frustrating and annoying as people can sometimes be . . . The network of support . . . the emotional safety net of knowing that you have a place you can go where you ARE loved . . . where people TRY to accept you for who and what you are . . . where people are concerned about your happiness, and are willing to share both your heartaches and your triumphs . . . is an absolutely incredible gift . . . I know that 'family' does not mean that to everyone . . . but it does, to ME . . . and even if it hadn't meant that in my personal experience . . . that is STILL what I would want to spend my lifetime trying to build for my children and siblings and nieces and nephews and for my friends . . .

I am grateful for the times that I have been misjudged . . . mistreated . . . lied to . . . betrayed . . . humiliated . . . shoved away . . . NOT because any of those things were at all fun, but because it was through those experiences that I came to truly understand compassion, and which deepened my resolve to make sure that I never treated OTHER people in those various ways . . .

I am grateful for the times that I have gone without . . . when money was tight (or nonexistent) because that has made me appreciative of what I DO have . . . and it also has made me willing to stretch outside my comfort zone to share more freely with others -- family, extended family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, even total strangers -- in various kinds of need . . .

I am grateful for my experiences with poor health . . . I have not had nearly as many of those as others have, but those I have had have GREATLY intensified my appreciation of having a strong, healthy body and helped me resolve to do what I can to maintain my health . . . and made me keenly aware of what a PRECIOUS gift life is, and how quickly and easily it can be lost . . .

I am grateful for times of fear . . . and doubt . . . and troubling uncertainty . . . because those have ultimately been opportunities to deepen and strengthen and enrich my reserves of faith . . . It does not bother me when other people roll their eyes at my 'quaint, old fashioned beliefs' or mock what is precious to me, because my faith is between my Lord and me . . . and what YOU (that is the 'royal' you) think about my spiritual understanding and awareness and choices does not impact what I believe and think and feel. Your LACK of belief . . . in no way impinges on MY beliefs . . .

I am grateful for my experiences with bullies . . . because they have hammered home the lessons I have learned about the importance of kindness and respect . . .

I am grateful for the opportunity to know what it feels like to lose loved ones to death . . . though I would give anything to have my mom and tiny grandson back . . . those experiences which broke my heart taught me to cherish every moment I have with the people I love, because there are no guaranteed timelines . . .

I do not enjoy trials and heartaches and disappointments and setbacks and failures any more than anyone else does . . . but I HAVE lived long enough to know that there are nuggets of priceless wisdom and exquisite beauty in each of those experiences . . . if I am willing to patiently look for them . . . and trust that they will be there . . .

Like everyone else, I sometimes get discouraged . . . occasionally feel overwhelmed . . . may at times wish circumstances were different . . . but I have learned how to be content with what I have, where I am . . . and beyond that, to find beauty and joy and warmth and even hope . . . in ALL of my life's experiences . . .

And for THAT . . . I am very, VERY grateful . . .