MOVING ON . . .

Along with feeling (understandably) stressed and frustrated and frantic with school . . . I have realized that I am also feeling . . . kind of restless . . . and I am not sure that I understand exactly why . . .


I strongly suspect it has a great deal to do with school ALMOST being done with . . . My classes have sort of taken over and consumed my life for the past few years, and now that that is SLOWLY inching towards an end . . . I am not sure exactly what it is I will do with myself . . .


You know, I never did quite decide what I wanted to be when I grew up . . .


I am really torn, too. For my degree(s) to have value, I really need to move on . . . and I probably will. Still, I am VERY weary of planning my life around semesters and school projects. Sometimes I cannot even remember (or imagine) what it would be like to just LIVE my life . . . not be frantically scrambling to get everything done that needs to be done . . .


I think it would be nice (though not very practical at this point in time) to do some kind of retreat that allowed me to just step outside being a wife and mom and gramma AND student . . . and just take some time to decide what it is that I want to accomplish with the rest of my life . . .


Oh I do not for a moment regret spending all those years raising/nurturing/launching my children . . . That absolutely was the right choice for me . . . I learned a great deal about myself during those patience-wearing, emotionally-demanding, ingenuity-stretching years . . . and it gave me the opportunity to KNOW my children in a way that wouldn't have been possible on a casual or part time basis . . . I will always cherish the memory of that time . . .


And it isn't like I have stopped being a mom . . . That is an important part of who and what I am . . . and even if I were to go on and be CEO of some fancy schmancy company . . . or write a best selling novel . . . or whatever, I have no doubt that being my children's mom will ALWAYS be my crowning achievement . . . Other things might PAY better, but NOTHING will be more satisfying OR more important, in my eyes . . . but my kids need me in different ways now, changes which are healthy and natural and good.


I just need to come up with a plan of what I want to do NOW . . .


And I have never dealt that well with transitions . . . This is HARD . . .


But then, transitions like these . . . learning to roll with the punches, and deal with the ebb and flow of life IS what life is all about . . .


But knowing that still doesn't make it any easier . . .