I know that some of you who stop by to read my blog may want to skip this entry . . . I do not mind that at all. I have friends of all different faiths . . . and some who are pretty anti-religion, period. I am okay with that. I am comfortable with letting people feel their own way towards their own faith or personal belief system . . . and I feel no need to stuff mine down anyone's throat . . .
But that does not mean that my faith is not a huge and critically important part of me . . . because it IS. It is every bit as crucial a part of me as my warped sense of humor . . . my enjoyment of playful silliness . . . my love of people . . . and my insatiable thirst for knowledge and for better understanding the world (and people) around me . . .
I am, by faith, a Mormon . . . a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints . . . That has played a HUGE role in shaping who I am, and what I believe, and what is important to me. I am aware that that fact causes some to dismiss me as not being a "real" Christian . . . but my Savior means everything to me . . . and as poor an example as I am, I still try every single day to love the people around me like He does . . . and to treat the people with whom I interact with dignity, respect, compassion, and kindness as a reflection of the love I know that He has for each of them, whether they believe in Him or not . . .
So of course, the story of the Savior's birth plays a huge role in my holiday celebration. Oh, I love the Santa part, too . . . I love singing along (badly) to Christmas carols . . . picking out, then wrapping and giving gifts that I have spent a lot of time over, hoping to light up the eyes of family members and friends, and let them know how much they mean to me . . . I love holiday baking, and sharing the results with family and friends . . . I love the sparkling lights and holiday decorations that make my home look festive and welcoming . . .I love all the traditions and activities that go along with celebrating, but NONE of that matters as much to me as the celebration deep in my heart of the birth of a tiny infant boy that would change the world . . . who would change MY world . . . with his simple message of peace and comfort and love and HOPE . . .
One of my favorite traditions surrounding the holidays is one that began sort of by accident about fifteen years ago. I had just read the story of a family who prepared for the coming birth of the Christ child by filling up the manger, straw by straw, with acts of kindness and service, until on Christmas Eve, the manger was soft and padded and ready to welcome the baby Jesus. It was a very sweet story, but what struck me most about it was the realization that it really IS our personal actions and service and kindnesses that 'prepare' a place for the Savior deep in each of our hearts . . .
As that thought sunk deep into MY heart . . . I gave a lot of thought as to how well my words . . . my actions . . . my deeds . . . my choices . . . reflected my love for AND my commitment to live like the Savior . . . with family members . . . extended family members . . . friends . . . neighbors . . . co workers . . . as well as the myriad of total strangers whose paths crossed mine only briefly . . .
I could clearly see that I had MUCH room for improvement . . . I could remember all too well the times I was impatient with my children . . . the words I had said in frustration to my husband . . . the things I muttered under my breath about coworkers and all the other people I interacted with each day . . . the times I was impatient or unthinkingly rude with a stranger, because he or she 'didn't matter' . . . the many times I didn't bother to see the people around me as living, breathing, valuable human beings . . . with sorrows and triumphs and heartaches and feelings . . . instead, only viewing them by how they impacted my life . . .
And so that night, I decided that every year, along with the gifts that I painstakingly selected and wrapped with care for family and friends, that I would make a real effort to ensure that I also gave a gift to my Savior . . . one selected with the same thought and soul searching effort . . . and most of all, one that I could not give without a very real cost . . . It had to be a gift for my Savior that somehow STRETCHED me in the giving of it . . .
This is a very personal tradition . . . I do not write my gift down . . . I do not tell anyone about it . . . It is simply between me and the Lord . . . and my choice can be anything . . . anything at all . . . anything that prayerfully sticks out in my mind as an area in need of improvement . . .
One year, I realized that my relationship with one of my sons had fallen into a pattern of miscommunication that caused a lot of frustration and contention and unpleasantness and hurt feelings between the two of us . . . I KNEW that I loved this son with all my heart, and that I would do ANYTHING for him . . . but I wasn't at all sure that THAT message got through to him very well with all of my fault finding and criticisms . . . and so, that year, I decided that THAT would be my gift to my Savior . . . That I would concentrate my efforts on simply loving that son, and not criticize him . . . at all . . .
At ALL . . .
THAT would be my gift to the Savior . . .
It was not easy . . . and I did it nowhere near perfectly . . . Still, I honestly committed myself to continuing to try, and every time I messed up, I apologized, recommitted myself to working on it . . . and tried harder . . . I freely admit I messed up a LOT . . . but less and less as the year wore on, and I recommitted myself the task, over and over again.
That year was a significant turning point in my relationship with that son. Oh, he didn't immediately stop doing those things I had found so irritating and unproductive . . . In fact, he continues to do many of them still. What DID change, however, was my letting those things get in the way of my love for him . . . my belief in him . . . my knowledge that he was amazing and bright and talented . . . I simply learned better how to love him anyways . . .
Through that experience, I not only gained a deeper appreciation of what an incredible young man my son was blossoming into . . . but I also gained a keener awareness of the fact that that was exactly what my Savior did with ME . . . even knowing my weaknesses and short comings and flaws and mistakes . . . that He loves me anyways, with all His heart, and keeps gently inviting me to grow beyond where I am to where I COULD be . . . where I NEED to be . . .
Other years I have chosen other things . . . but each year my gift to my Savior has been a meaningful journey towards both greater self understanding AND a greater awareness and appreciation of my Savior. This very personal tradition has become an incredibly precious, sacred gift to ME . . .
I know that not everyone is religious . . . that spirituality is not a priority for all . . . but I wanted to take a moment this holiday season to share something very personal and meaningful about my own Christmas celebration . . .
Because in this blog, I try very hard to share who I am . . .
And this IS me . . .
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