A CASE OF THE BLAHS . . .

You know, I KNEW I would miss the excitement and pressure of the NaNoWriMo challenge when it was over . . . Writing . . . my word count . . . the story developments were on my mind -- or at least simmering in the back of my mind -- ALL the time for that entire thirty days . . .

When it suddenly came to a screeching halt (a HAPPY screeching halt, because I really WAS jazzed that I 'won' and completed my word count in time!) I had a couple of days when I really felt sort of lost and even a little depressed, which isn't like me . . .

I guess I just sort of hit the wall . . .

After being SO focused on that writing (and I know that I don't have to STOP now, but it IS different, for whatever reason) . . . AND having SUCH a delightful friends-and-family-filled Thanksgiving weekend . . . AND being hit (not for the first time) with the sobering realization that I only have a little longer as a tutor, and not being sure about what the future holds . . . All those 'endings' sort of hit at once and I was just feeling SAD . . . and LOST . . .

I guess it all sort of hit at once when I was working with a student I have worked with for several years on Monday and she heard for the first time that I wouldn't be back in the winter OR the spring . . . and she got teary eyed . . . She even hugged me and thanked me for all the help I have been to her, but she still left with this sort of panicky look that made me SO sad. I know she will find other tutors to work with and receive the help she needs . . . but it really is difficult for me to even imagine what I will find to do next that I will enjoy even HALF as much as being a tutor.

Oh the pay was crap . . . but how many part time jobs can you say that you LOVED every minute of?!? And now it is over . . . or will be next Wednesday when I leave the campus . . . I have known since last April that this day was coming . . . and I have even known, deep down inside, that there would be no last minute reprieve, unlike last May . . . No more loopholes to keep non-student tutors working a little longer. This isn't a SURPRISE . . . but Monday the sadness and FINALITY of having something that has been such a BIG part of my life for six or seven years now come to an end has just really hit . . .

I know that I will be okay . . .

I know that I will find something else and learn to enjoy it, too . . .

Life will be DIFFERENT, but still good . . .

But . . . for now, I am just . . . SAD . . .



I also have realized in this past week, that I need to put my NaNoWriMo story aside for the month and just concentrate on enjoying Christmas and the holidayishness of the next few weeks . . . I have appreciated all the interest in reading my story, and I AM willing to share (and WILL) . . . I want to do some minimal editing and polishing (and READ my story through, from start to finish) but I have been dragging my feet all week, and I just realized that is because after focusing on it SO intensely for the entire month of November, I need to back off, and give myself a complete break from it . . . so that I can come back to it with a fresh perspective . . .

When I do that in January, I will be HAPPY to share . . . so if you would like to read it (and it wont hurt my feelings if you do not want to . . . it is LONG) let me know what email address you would like it sent to, and I will. You can leave your email address here in a comment, or email it to me at KeepInTouchForever@hotmail.com, it that is easier . . . and I WILL be happy to share . . . I think because I HAD to turn my internal editor off for this exercise (to write SO much in such a short time) I feel less territorial and protective about this story than I usually do . . . which is an interesting experience, all on its own . . .

So all I ask is if you DO read it, that you give me some feedback . . . NOT feedback like "this stinks" or "cool story" . . . but things like "the dialogue here just didn't feel natural" . . . or "this part moves a little slowly" . . . "the detail here was more distracting than helpful" . . . or "I like this description here" . . .

A generic overall comment isn't helpful at all . . . and if you write at all, you will understand why . . . specifics ARE helpful, even if they are criticisms . . .

Perhaps you will find the story to be poorly written or boring (a definite possibility) . . . Perhaps it simply wont be your genre (also a definite possibility) . . . Maybe you will have issues with points/situations/etc in the story . . . All of those are okay, and I understand already that they are definite possibilities . . . but IF you tell me you would like to read it, I really would like HONEST feedback . . .

But not til January . . . because for my sanity, I am taking December off and I am not even going to THINK about my story again til then . . .

For now, I am just going to concentrate on enjoying this holiday season . . . In fact tomorrow morning (it is now 3:30 AM and I am up because I am sick and cannot sleep without coughing) I think I will decorate the tree and then bake something yummy . . . I want my home to LOOK and SMELL Christmasy!!! =o)