MY CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

I had an incredible experience with my MIL yesterday that I really want to write down before the memory of it fades.

A few days ago, I woke up in the midst of a dream about my mother-in-law . . . It wasn't a sad dream or a creepy dream or one where she was at the foot of my bed waving goodbye because she had died or whatever . . . and I woke up surprised because I hadn't been thinking about her particularly in the last few days or weeks, and there was no particular significance to the timing of the dream (no special days or occasions that might remind me of her or make me think of her subconsciously) . . . When my husband woke up I mentioned it to him and he said 'that is SO weird . . . I had a dream about her last night too' . . . His was very different from mine, but his, too, was neither ominous nor scary at all . . . I made a mental note to go visit her again soon, and then promptly forgot about it . . . like I said, this has been a crazy busy time . . .

Then yesterday as I was driving home from work, mentally reviewing all I had to accomplish between that moment and the book club meeting that night (I had to go to the bank, go to the grocery store, make a side dish to share, holiday goodies to share, and a few other things) and wondering how I could possibly get it all done in the little bit of time I had (2 hours) the thought popped into my head "I should stop and visit [my MIL]" . . . The timing seemed like the WORST ever, but because of the dreams, I drove to where she is, and went in to see her, not expecting much because the last two or three times I have been to see her, she has been asleep, and I ended up just sitting (or standing or squatting) by her, holding her hand in silence because it seemed mean to wake her. I imagine at this point in time her dreams are happier and more peaceful that the reality of her life, if she is at all aware of it . . .

To my surprise when I went in her room she absolutely LIT up. She was in bed, but awake, and she was DELIGHTED to see me. She has advanced Alzheimers and can no longer carry on a conversation . . . I mean, when she talks it is gibberish, though you can occasionally recognize a word or two, maybe even a partial phrase, but that is it.

This time was no different . . . I mean, almost nothing she said made any kind of recognizable sense, but she was CHATTY . . . She sat up in bed, and just chatted on and on and on . . . occasionally stopping to wait for a response or to chuckle. Like I said, it wasn't really a conversation . . . but I think to HER it was . . . so I told her about our holiday plans, and she told me about hers (lol . . . maybe) . . . We chatted like that for an hour and a half . . . and even though I didn't understand more than a word or two here and there that she said, it was HER I was talking to . . . the REAL her . . . It has been YEARS since I have felt like it was HER there when we visited . . . It was always just sort of a familiar-ish looking, vacant-eyed, slack-jawed stranger . . . but yesterday for that hour and a half, it was truly HER . . . I KNOW it was . . . The nursing staff walking by kept doing double takes, because it was so obvious that we were having a 'conversation' and she hasn't been capable of that for a very long time . . .

I stayed as long as I could . . . and I hated having to leave, but I finally had to . . . I gave her a hug and kissed her on her forehead and told her I would be back soon . . . and I walked out to my car and burst into tears . . . It was SUCH a sweet, incredible experience . . . I wished so much that my husband had been there to see his mom with me to share in it . . .

I think THAT will be my Christmas miracle this year . . . It was SUCH a sweet, beautiful hour and a half . . . I will cherish the memory of that forever . . .

Merry almost Christmas, everyone!