AUDIENCE OF SELF . . .

I was watching a show this weekend, something we had tivo'd, and it had this quote on the voiceover which really stuck in my mind. I don't even remember what show it was, though it might have been Criminal Minds which often ends with a quotation . . . Anyhow, wherever I heard it, the quote went something like "It is better to write for an audience of self and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self" . . . HMMMM . . . That is not quite right, but it was something like that . . .

It struck me as pretty profound . . . AND it also reiterated what -- for ME -- is the vital part of blogging. I have read quite a few blogs over the years . . . Sometimes I blog hop and just read the blogs of total strangers . . . I read them to see things from others points of view and perspectives . . . to sample writing styles . . . to see the world -- at least temporarily -- through the spectacles of someone else's life experiences . . .

It is a very interesting experience . . . and sometimes I laugh out loud . . . sometimes I find what I read to be disturbing or offensive . . . sometimes I learn things . . . sometimes I am entertained . . . sometimes I am impressed . . . sometimes I am deeply touched . . . sometimes I am in awe of someone's ability to skewer a particular feeling or experience SO perfectly that it absolutely takes my breath away . . .

Words are (or can be) POWERFUL . . . and the written word is (or can be) an incredibly powerful medium . . .

Still, for ME . . . when I try to do anything other than simply capture my life experiences, my thoughts, my feelings as accurately and authentically as I can . . . I get kind of an awkward stupor of thought and I get all bogged down . . . It simply sucks all the satisfaction and joy of writing out of the experience. I have no idea WHY it is like that for me . . .

I mean, I am at least an adequate writer . . . I know where to put the commas . . . I know how to transition between paragraphs and ideas . . . I know one needs a topic sentence . . . etc . . . I know the mechanics of writing fairly well (and yes, I even know that I use -- when blogging -- WAY too many ellipsis . . . so bite me) =oP

I can, in other forums, write in a way that is at least mildly entertaining . . . and yet with BLOGGING . . . I get a very distinctive writer's block if I try too hard to write TO an audience . . . I thoroughly enjoy reading blogs that are funny or informative or persuasive (well . . . sometimes . . . if the person is too heavy handed with their 'persuasions' I am left cold) . . . I enjoy blogs that are written from MANY motivations . . . but if *I* try to write (again, this only applies to BLOGGING) for any other reason that to simply try my inadequate best to share my feelings and perceptions and observations and life experiences as authentically as possible, *I* get tongue tied and the writing becomes a total CHORE . . . It absolutely sucks ALL the satisfaction and fun, even joy, out of the experience . . .

So . . . I think I am beginning to truly understand that I blog for ME . . . for my audience of 'self' . . . and I am okay with that . . .