CH-CH-CH-CHANGES . . .

HMMMMM . . . Lots of changes in progress . . . some exciting . . . some sad . . . but as someone far wiser than me once said, 'if there is one constant in life it is that change is inevitable' . . . and that is very true . . .



Learning to roll with the punches, and adapt to exciting, longed for changes (like marriage . . . a new baby . . . an exciting job opportunity) . . . AND learning to accommodate hurtful, difficult changes and setbacks is what life is all about . . . Nobody pencils in heartaches and disappointments . . .


Nobody gazing up at the stars as an adolescent looks up into the night sky and thinks "I want to fail at what is most important in life" . . . but . . . sometimes things happen.


When I look back over my life, I remember SO many dreams I have had over the years . . . I wanted to be in love . . . I wanted to be married . . . I wanted to have a family . . . I wanted to be happy . . . I wanted to be healthy . . . I wanted to have the opportunity to develop my talents and interests . . . I wanted to feel good about the direction my life was headed . . .


Those dreams, I have pretty much realized (or they are at least currently being worked on) . . . I AM in love . . . I AM married . . . I have an AWESOME family . . . I have SO much happiness . . . I have better health than I probably deserve . . . and I have had a myriad of opportunities to develop a variety of interests and talents . . . and, for the most part, I DO feel good about the direction my life is headed . . .


Other dreams, have sort of fallen by the wayside over the years . . . I may never live in a secluded mountain cabin where I paint and work on my great American novel all day . . . Oh, it could still happen . . . and the idea is still appealing to me . . . but my husband's job is HERE, a mountain commute wouldn't factor in, easily, and it would mean that we couldn't be as much support to family and friends as we currently can be . . . and THAT has become more important to me, over the years than that scenic mountain cabin . . .


I also may never get my cruise to Alaska to see the Northern Lights . . . Again, this could still easily happen . . . and it is still VERY appealing to me . . . but there are so many other places for that money to go, especially NOW with times so scary and rough for so many . . . so much need around me . . . I am just not sure that I will ever want that cruise more than I want to be there for loved ones . . .


I have faced the fact that I will never go to Art School . . . I have talent, I know that I do. Not only have my art teachers always told me that, and encouraged me, but I just know, deep down in my heart that I have artistic talents . . . I can paint . . . I can draw . . . I can sculpt . . . but most likely those will remain simply satisfying hobbies, a creative outlet for me, and nothing more.


Art school is EXPENSIVE . . . and I am too old to invest what EASILY would come to over $100,000 + dollars on simply developing my talents . . . It might have made sense at twenty . . . maybe even thirty . . . but not now.


Actually, the idea doesn't even appeal to me any more . . . Even though I am well aware that I have talent, and several art teachers have told me that I have more ability than students who have gotten full ride scholarships to prestigious art schools . . . honestly . . . it just doesn't interest me now . . . and perhaps it never really did.


Advertising art is not at all appealing to me . . . I cannot be creative on demand, and trying to force that is particularly frustrating to me . . . I would much rather that a full ride scholarship (which is COMPLETELY hypothetical and which was never sought after, nor offered) go to someone younger and more driven . . . someone following their heart . . .


Other priorities, too, have changed . . .


I have to admit that over the years some dreams and goals, I cried about giving up . . . Some sacrifices were HARD . . . but I knew, deep down in my heart, that to ME absolutely NOTHING was more important than my family . . . and I made the sacrifices I felt necessary to be the kind of mom and wife I wanted with all my heart to be.


Oh, I still didn't do it (either one) perfectly . . . not even CLOSE . . . I have made SOOOOOOOO many mistakes . . . but I do know that I truly have tried . . .


For one thing, I took a long, hard look at my family of origin, and made some deliberate changes, trying to weed out unhealthy patterns and 'traditions' that I did not want pass along . . . that I did not wish to have continue . . . That process was HARD . . . surprisingly hard . . . uncomfortable at best, and absolutely excruciating at times . . . but it, too, was THAT important to me . . .


So here I am . . . in the midst of yet MORE changes in my life . . . Some of these unexpected changes I did not plan to be dealing with in this season of my life . . . but . . . life is just like that sometimes . . .


I know that if I just keep plugging along, trying to do my prayerful best, that I will be able to continue to build a life worth having, and still be able to be there as a support to those I love so dearly . . .


Because learning to deal with changes -- both the ones eagerly anticipated and longed for AND the ones you prayed with all your heart would never happen to you and those you love -- IS what life is all about . . . because 'Life IS what happens while you are making other plans' . . .


And it is STILL beautiful . . . STILL very much worth living and celebrating . . .