That visit the other day with my friend in the convalescent home has stayed on my mind. Spending that time with her (on a busy, kind of depressing day) really did a lot to lift my spirits. I mean I had a whole list of things to get to on my 'to do' list . . . and while I didn't mind signing up to go visit her, and I DO really find her delightful, when I started out that day, I was begruding the time it would take . . . a teensy weensy bit . . .
I mean, she IS my friend . . . and I do love her . . . but it was a busy day and I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed with the semester winding down, and the thought of all that I still have to do before I am DONE (including study for two difficult, comprehensive finals) so while I didn't mind the IDEA of visiting her at all . . . that particular day, trying to work it in, did not excite me . . .
UGH . . .
I HATE admitting that, but it IS true . . .
But it turned into such an absolutely sweet experience, that it has stuck in my head . . . and kept me thinking about it . . .
I think I am going to issue a challenge to myself, based off of that . . .
I think I will first try it for a week, and see how that goes . . . and expand it if it seems to be working well . . .
I am going to commit to working in at least ONE act of service every single day . . . It can be to a family member or a neighbor or a coworker . . . or even a total stranger . . . This idea really appeals to me, though at first I thought "Oh that would be cool to do once I have more free time, after finals are over" . . . but I think NOW is the perfect time to start it, even though I am kind of swamped and harried.
Let's face it, time is precious to everyone . . . ALWAYS . . . and perhaps this challenge will force me to be a little less self absorbed during this final little bit of school, and that will probably be good for me.
So . . . yeah . . . I am going to commit to doing at least ONE act of service every day, above and beyond what I normally do . . . so making dinner wouldn't count . . . unless I took time to make it on a day that I might normally run out and buy hamburgers for everybody or when I would be tempted to say 'ok, guys . . . its a fend for yourself night' . . . THEN I could count making dinner, but I would probably only count it if I went to some special effort to make it extra nice.
It could be something as simple as making conversation to someone in the grocery store line, or watching a movie with my husband because he seems to need some time with me . . . or maybe even just biting my tongue when I am tempted to say something hurtful or critical to a family member . . . or it could be something as elaborate as driving someone to a doctor's appointment . . . or watching someone's children because mama is sick or has a new baby or something . . .
It doesn't matter so much what it IS or who it is FOR . . . just that I want to sharpen my awareness of the people and situations around me, and I think it would be good for me to STRETCH a little to do these . . .
I think this will be good for me . . .
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
WHO'D A THUNK IT . . . ?
There is a little old lady at church that has had a really, really rough couple of years recently. She is a TINY little thing . . . barely five feet tall and she weighs maybe seventy five pounds, dripping wet, but she is absolutely delightful -- funny and charming and personable.
Ten years ago she buried her husband. He went in to the doctor for a trivial concern and the doctor noticed something on his skin, and said he wanted to remove it because it could turn to cancer. Just to be safe, the doctor biopsied what he removed, and discovered it was stage four skin cancer that had already spread. He was dead two months later.
Five years ago her only daughter went in for gastric bypass surgery and two weeks later, had a stroke and lingered, comatose for nearly a week, then died.
Her only other child, a son, moved back home with his wife and child, to help his mom out (she is in her eighties). That has kept her safer, but has not been without some difficulties and trials. It can be really hard to have two households of independent adults under one roof, (even if the roof covers four or five thousand square feet) but this lady always stay upbeat and positive.
In the past few years, she has spent all her time in and out of hospitals. She had a hip socket replacement, and got a weird infection that they could NOT get rid of. They would think it was gone, after months in a convalescent center and rounds of antibiotics, send her home and it would crop back up . . . over and over and over again.
Her doctor -- that she loves dearly -- was a considerable distance away, but she always insisted on going to HIM . . . he had cared for she and her husband for decades and was a close personal friend as well. (In fact this doctor told her that he had a mother-in-law apartment in back of his house with a bedroom and sitting room and its own little private patio . . . and anytime she needed or wanted to, she was welcome to move in . . . and welcome to stay as long as she needed . . . This offer, repeated during her many illnesses, says a lot about the doctor, but it also says a lot about her . . . HE is a good, caring man . . . SHE is that delightful).
It has been hard to find rides for her to this doctor, because time is precious to everybody, and it is far enough that it takes a good chunk of someone's day to drive her out there, stay with her during the appointment, and then drive her home. Sometimes her son or his wife can do it, but occasionally it has fallen to the Relief Society to help out, which has given me the opportunity, periodically, to spend time with her. Ditto for going to visit her in a convalescent home . . . Her doctor picks ones that are convenient for him, and going to visit there takes an hour each way, but we still try to get visitors out to her, so she knows she isn't forgotten.
She is a spunky little lady . . . and it is always a pleasure to go see her. She has a delightful sense of humor and is so alive and aware of the world around her. Through these past few YEARS of repeated health problems, she has stayed upbeat and positive . . . til now.
The last time she came home, she was there for a scant TEN HOURS before she fell and broke the ball in her shoulder socket. (I am probably using the wrong medical terms, but I am trying to convey what was described to me). She is in incredible pain, and can barely move. Given her history of slow, poor healing, they are really leery of operating, so she is in a convalescent home, bedridden, while they wait to see if she can heal without invasive surgery. This time, she is at a nursing facility that is just down the street, maybe five minutes away.
And this time, she is not upbeat . . . she is seriously depressed. So the bishop asked the RS to please send around a sign up sheet to make sure she gets visited every single day. I signed up for yesterday. Given her age, her frail condition, her history of poor healing, this could easily be it for her, especially if she gives up. What is wrong, can be healed from . . . even old bones can knit . . . but if she has given up, she simply may not have it in her to heal from this.
So I went to see her yesterday while I was out and doing some running around. The facility she is in is a nice one, but I barely recognized her. She has always been tiny, but she just looked . . . gray . . . and sort of sunk in on herself . . . It was hard to see her looking so awful, but I sat down and stayed and visited for an hour or so. She talked a lot about her life . . . things she has been through . . . places she has visited . . . and asked about my family . . . what I was doing these days.
At the end, I was afraid to hug her because any movement of her arm or left side at ALL left her wincing and gasping in pain . . . so I reached over and patted her right hand and said "I just want you to know how much you are loved . . . you have a lot of people praying for you . . . please remember that" . . .
She looked so sad . . . and then said . . . "You know what I miss the very most?"
I waited to hear what she said, expecting her to say that she missed driving . . . or being able to scratch her nose without pain . . . or going outside and being in the sunshine . . . or being independent enough to dress herself . . . or simply being able to stand and stretch . . . SOOOOOOOOOO many things she could have mentioned . . .
You know what it was she missed?
She missed being needed . . . She missed being able to be of service . . . She missed being able to brighten someone else's day . . .
This poor woman is in severe, chronic pain . . . she can barely MOVE . . . she cannot get out of bed, or do anything without assistance . . . and what she misses most is the ability to serve . . .
I am truly humbled and touched by her sweet goodness . . .
Yesterday . . . she did serve . . . ME . . .
Ten years ago she buried her husband. He went in to the doctor for a trivial concern and the doctor noticed something on his skin, and said he wanted to remove it because it could turn to cancer. Just to be safe, the doctor biopsied what he removed, and discovered it was stage four skin cancer that had already spread. He was dead two months later.
Five years ago her only daughter went in for gastric bypass surgery and two weeks later, had a stroke and lingered, comatose for nearly a week, then died.
Her only other child, a son, moved back home with his wife and child, to help his mom out (she is in her eighties). That has kept her safer, but has not been without some difficulties and trials. It can be really hard to have two households of independent adults under one roof, (even if the roof covers four or five thousand square feet) but this lady always stay upbeat and positive.
In the past few years, she has spent all her time in and out of hospitals. She had a hip socket replacement, and got a weird infection that they could NOT get rid of. They would think it was gone, after months in a convalescent center and rounds of antibiotics, send her home and it would crop back up . . . over and over and over again.
Her doctor -- that she loves dearly -- was a considerable distance away, but she always insisted on going to HIM . . . he had cared for she and her husband for decades and was a close personal friend as well. (In fact this doctor told her that he had a mother-in-law apartment in back of his house with a bedroom and sitting room and its own little private patio . . . and anytime she needed or wanted to, she was welcome to move in . . . and welcome to stay as long as she needed . . . This offer, repeated during her many illnesses, says a lot about the doctor, but it also says a lot about her . . . HE is a good, caring man . . . SHE is that delightful).
It has been hard to find rides for her to this doctor, because time is precious to everybody, and it is far enough that it takes a good chunk of someone's day to drive her out there, stay with her during the appointment, and then drive her home. Sometimes her son or his wife can do it, but occasionally it has fallen to the Relief Society to help out, which has given me the opportunity, periodically, to spend time with her. Ditto for going to visit her in a convalescent home . . . Her doctor picks ones that are convenient for him, and going to visit there takes an hour each way, but we still try to get visitors out to her, so she knows she isn't forgotten.
She is a spunky little lady . . . and it is always a pleasure to go see her. She has a delightful sense of humor and is so alive and aware of the world around her. Through these past few YEARS of repeated health problems, she has stayed upbeat and positive . . . til now.
The last time she came home, she was there for a scant TEN HOURS before she fell and broke the ball in her shoulder socket. (I am probably using the wrong medical terms, but I am trying to convey what was described to me). She is in incredible pain, and can barely move. Given her history of slow, poor healing, they are really leery of operating, so she is in a convalescent home, bedridden, while they wait to see if she can heal without invasive surgery. This time, she is at a nursing facility that is just down the street, maybe five minutes away.
And this time, she is not upbeat . . . she is seriously depressed. So the bishop asked the RS to please send around a sign up sheet to make sure she gets visited every single day. I signed up for yesterday. Given her age, her frail condition, her history of poor healing, this could easily be it for her, especially if she gives up. What is wrong, can be healed from . . . even old bones can knit . . . but if she has given up, she simply may not have it in her to heal from this.
So I went to see her yesterday while I was out and doing some running around. The facility she is in is a nice one, but I barely recognized her. She has always been tiny, but she just looked . . . gray . . . and sort of sunk in on herself . . . It was hard to see her looking so awful, but I sat down and stayed and visited for an hour or so. She talked a lot about her life . . . things she has been through . . . places she has visited . . . and asked about my family . . . what I was doing these days.
At the end, I was afraid to hug her because any movement of her arm or left side at ALL left her wincing and gasping in pain . . . so I reached over and patted her right hand and said "I just want you to know how much you are loved . . . you have a lot of people praying for you . . . please remember that" . . .
She looked so sad . . . and then said . . . "You know what I miss the very most?"
I waited to hear what she said, expecting her to say that she missed driving . . . or being able to scratch her nose without pain . . . or going outside and being in the sunshine . . . or being independent enough to dress herself . . . or simply being able to stand and stretch . . . SOOOOOOOOOO many things she could have mentioned . . .
You know what it was she missed?
She missed being needed . . . She missed being able to be of service . . . She missed being able to brighten someone else's day . . .
This poor woman is in severe, chronic pain . . . she can barely MOVE . . . she cannot get out of bed, or do anything without assistance . . . and what she misses most is the ability to serve . . .
I am truly humbled and touched by her sweet goodness . . .
Yesterday . . . she did serve . . . ME . . .
Thursday, May 28, 2009
HOMESTRETCH
This has been a really long semester . . . but even the really long ones grind slowly to a halt. I have TWO DAYS of class left . . . then finals. Of course that two days of class includes a test (quiz, really, which is much less pressure) and finishing a research paper and turning it in (the ONLY paper I have had to write this semester . . . which feels incredibly weird because I wrote SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many papers in the Fall . . . I was always working on at least one . . . ALWAYS . . . )
I have no idea yet if I will pass my Math class. I have worked my little fanny off making sure I was always in class taking copious notes from my professor's lectures . . . I did every SCRAP of homework . . . and kept at it and kept at it until I understood what to do and how to do it (no small task) . . . and for the first time in my life, it clicked . . . I got Algebra . . . but my professor's tests are HARD and he is deliberately tricky (hard to explain but very true) and I ace all the quizes but have done very poorly on the exams which are MUCH more heavily weighted. He drops one of those when figuring the final score . . . but I do not know if that will be enough. I took one more of those exams yesterday (and felt good about it, which I know means absolutely nothing . . . the last one I turned in feeling very confident about -- thought I had nailed every SINGLE problem -- I got a low "C" on) . . . and then the final . . . the most heavily weighted test of all . . . Still, I have LEARNED tons . . . so if I do have to repeat it, I know I will pass it next time (and I think I will get a different professor, even if I love this one's warped sense of humor) . . . and if I squeak by with a passing grade, I will feel confident about taking the next class (the final Math class I EVER have to take . . . YAY!!!!!)
My geology class has been fascinating. Learning how the earth is made . . . why things look the way they do . . . why things happen . . . all about volcanoes . . . and mountains . . . and earthquakes . . . I really have enjoyed. If I was still going to treat school as my 'expensive hobby' . . . I would take more earth science classes, because although I also worked hard in THIS class, I loved the things I have learned. I especially have enjoyed the new appreciation and awareness I have of the world around me . . . I love classes that make me THINK . . . that enhance my awareness and perception of some aspect of life . . .
I love to learn . . .
I think that may be one of the things I like best about me . . .
I have no idea yet if I will pass my Math class. I have worked my little fanny off making sure I was always in class taking copious notes from my professor's lectures . . . I did every SCRAP of homework . . . and kept at it and kept at it until I understood what to do and how to do it (no small task) . . . and for the first time in my life, it clicked . . . I got Algebra . . . but my professor's tests are HARD and he is deliberately tricky (hard to explain but very true) and I ace all the quizes but have done very poorly on the exams which are MUCH more heavily weighted. He drops one of those when figuring the final score . . . but I do not know if that will be enough. I took one more of those exams yesterday (and felt good about it, which I know means absolutely nothing . . . the last one I turned in feeling very confident about -- thought I had nailed every SINGLE problem -- I got a low "C" on) . . . and then the final . . . the most heavily weighted test of all . . . Still, I have LEARNED tons . . . so if I do have to repeat it, I know I will pass it next time (and I think I will get a different professor, even if I love this one's warped sense of humor) . . . and if I squeak by with a passing grade, I will feel confident about taking the next class (the final Math class I EVER have to take . . . YAY!!!!!)
My geology class has been fascinating. Learning how the earth is made . . . why things look the way they do . . . why things happen . . . all about volcanoes . . . and mountains . . . and earthquakes . . . I really have enjoyed. If I was still going to treat school as my 'expensive hobby' . . . I would take more earth science classes, because although I also worked hard in THIS class, I loved the things I have learned. I especially have enjoyed the new appreciation and awareness I have of the world around me . . . I love classes that make me THINK . . . that enhance my awareness and perception of some aspect of life . . .
I love to learn . . .
I think that may be one of the things I like best about me . . .
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
THE BIG BANG
I guess since 'the big bang' is what began the universe (depending, of course, on who you talk to) I will name my very first blog here "THE BIG BANG" since it will be (presumably) the start of my blogger universe . . .
I have a couple of reasons for doing this . . . First of all, several of my extended family members have blogs, and I really enjoy reading them and leaving comments, when I have time. Secondly, I love to write . . . period, so I am hoping that this becomes an enjoyable outlet for me to share my thoughts and experiences. Thirdly, (and I freely admit that perhaps nobody will find this interesting enough to read) it is an attempt for me to let my extended family get to know me outside the boxes of 'mom' and 'gramma' and 'aunt' and 'sister' and 'wife'. . . if they care to.
Life is busy and stressful . . . I am often swamped with school (and returning to finish a degree when you are older IS stressful and difficult) and the juggling of priorities is tricky and less clear cut, perhaps, than at other times in my life . . . but I am intrigued with the idea of attempting to chronicle my journey . . . even if it is only of interest to ME . . .
I guess that is enough for a first post . . .
I have a couple of reasons for doing this . . . First of all, several of my extended family members have blogs, and I really enjoy reading them and leaving comments, when I have time. Secondly, I love to write . . . period, so I am hoping that this becomes an enjoyable outlet for me to share my thoughts and experiences. Thirdly, (and I freely admit that perhaps nobody will find this interesting enough to read) it is an attempt for me to let my extended family get to know me outside the boxes of 'mom' and 'gramma' and 'aunt' and 'sister' and 'wife'. . . if they care to.
Life is busy and stressful . . . I am often swamped with school (and returning to finish a degree when you are older IS stressful and difficult) and the juggling of priorities is tricky and less clear cut, perhaps, than at other times in my life . . . but I am intrigued with the idea of attempting to chronicle my journey . . . even if it is only of interest to ME . . .
I guess that is enough for a first post . . .
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