SUNDAY MORNINGS . . .

Once upon a time when I had a houseful of little kids, Sunday mornings were NOT my favorite part of the week . . . I had to get them up, fed, dressed and ready to go to church . . . and no matter how carefully I planned, or what time church started, I ALWAYS hit snags . . . I often got to church already feeling frazzled and exhausted, and church hadn't even started yet!

Still, it was important to me that we attend church together as a family, so we did . . .

Over the years, as kids grew and got older and took over their own 'getting ready' there were still plenty of challenges to getting to church on time (or better yet, a little early) . . . neatly dressed . . . focused on the Savior and the sabbath . . . and being in the mindset to listen and be taught -- either by the speakers and teachers or simply by the Spirit . . .

Now my children are grown and gone . . . I can leave in plenty of time to make it a little early and listen to the beautiful prelude music as I try to clear away the 'static' from the week past . . . I can close my eyes to soak it in, and not even worry about what one of my little people is doing while I am not watching . . .

My Sunday mornings are now as peaceful as I could ever have hoped for . . . I only have myself to get ready . . . myself to get out the door . . . myself to keep track of during the meetings . . . my own behavior to monitor . . .

I can listen to each speaker and ponder their message . . . I can listen to the Spirit whisper course corrections I need to make or comfort and hope . . . I can keep my eyes closed during the ENTIRE sacrement, and not worry about who is doing what around me . . . I can bring everything I need for classes or lessons . . .

I can spend my Sundays focused on what I am there for . . .






And I do enjoy them . . . I really do . . .


But . . . I MISS my wiggley little companions . . . I miss trying to teach them (with varying degrees of success) to be reverent and the importance of what they are hearing and learning . . . I miss having to keep one eye slightly open during prayers so that I can see if any pinching or wrestling is going on . . .



Funny . . . huh? Now that I have the peace and serenity I longed for all those busy, hectic years . . . now I long for the semi controlled chaos that used to characterize my Sundays . . .

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME . . .

I am home . . . YAY!!!!

My trip was absolutely WONDERFUL . . . I am SO glad I could go participate in the Sisters Reunion. All but one of my sisters were there (and we missed her HORRIBLY) but it was still a blast . . . We talked, talked, talked non stop . . . saw two incredible plays ("Tarzan" and "Cats") . . . toured some church history sites which was fascinating . . . did some shopping . . . looked through old family photos and laughed uproariously at how dorky we all looked . . . watched a few movies . . . played board games . . . took turns cooking meals . . . It was absolutely delightful (with the exception of the missing sister) . . . I am SO glad we went, and the home we rented was GORGEOUS . . . I may never stay in a hotel again . . .

I also had a wonderful time at my sister's. Utah is beautiful . . . I love the mountains and ALL the GREEN trees . . . We had fun and got to go see our mom's grave (and the little town she grew up in) . . . visit a niece and her family . . . visit our aunt (our mom's only surviving sibling) and take her out to dinner . . . go see a play ("The Wedding Singer" . . . which was absolutely delightful) and have lots of time to visit and talk and even lots of time for me to curl up with a good book and read while my sister had to work (I think between the reunion and my week with my sister that I finished FIVE books!)

I feel very rested and rejuvenated . . . like my batteries are fully charged, which feels great! This has been an incredible year, full of ups and downs and twists and turns and not all of it has been fun . . . but it HAS been an adventure . . . and I feel like I have finally -- TRULY -- gotten my 'balance' back . . .

This vacation . . . These past few weeks, really . . . (the trip to Texas, and everybody I got to see along the way there) . . . the sisters reunion . . . the week with my sister . . . were exactly what I needed . . .

Life is good . . . not always FUN . . . but it IS good . . .

I am learning lots . . .

And I am grateful for the journey . . .




It is VERY good to be home . . .

EMPTY NESTS ARE QUIET NESTS . . .

Well, we are back from Texas . . . and what a LLLOOOONNNNGGGGG, exhausting trip that was . . .

Still, it was also FUN . . . The kids traveled amazingly well . . . especially considering that they were wedged into a VERY crowded car with virtually NO wiggle room . . .

We will treasure the past year and that car trip forever . . . It was a tremendous blessing to have S and her kidlets here with us . . . We absolutely LOVE how well we know them . . . and how well THEY know US . . . I know I sound like a sappy, doting gramma . . . but our grandkids (and that includes my neices and nephews children, as well) are SO amazing . . . adorable . . . smart . . . funny . . . brilliant . . . beautiful . . . and OH so LOVED . . .

It was good to see how thrilled A and D and S were to get home to their OWN house . . . their OWN daddy . . . their OWN doggy (I am not positive I have the order correct there . . . They REALLY love that doggy!) ;0) B looked equally delighted to have his family back . . . Long separations are HARD on children and marriages and families . . . but having an eternal perspective helps . . . and having everybody focused on being a forever family helps a lot . . .

We got in late Saturday night . . . and then got to all get up bright and early Sunday morning to get ready and over to the church for C's blessing . . . We got there late, but still managed to get him blessed . . . and it was WONDERFUL to have a chance to see B's parents and sister . . . to meet MA's beautiful fiance (they are getting married late next month!) . . . see and hug DAM (LOL . . . what initials, huh?) and her precious little daughter (still tucked safely inside) . . . see and hug MAR just days before her adorable little son made his appearance (YAY for safe arrivals!!!) and her husband and cutie pie two year old N . . . and to see and hug TA . . . who felt invisible, ONLY because I expected her to be seven still, and she has instantaneously (it seems) blossomed into a gorgeous young woman (HOW does time go SO fast for THEM, when WE stay such cute young things forever?!???) It was a FUN day, even though it sure would have been nice to have been able to catch our collective breaths before pulling off a dinner party . . . LOL . . . but life is just like that . . . and I wouldn't have missed ANY of it, for the world . . .

Monday we managed to squeeze in a trip to the cutest (and maybe HOTTEST) zoo ever . . . lunch . . . an awesome museum . . . and even a rather reluctant (though delicious) BBQ dinner . . . and then M and I got stomped in a game we played late that night when we were all beyond exhausted, mostly because we knew once we went to bed, it was going to all be over . . . =o/

It was very hard to leave them behind when we headed home early Tuesday morning . . . I think I cried the first 200 miles . . . even though I KNEW they were where they needed to be, and it felt very right for their family to be reunited . . . The ride home was certainly much quieter than the ride out . . . and we made fewer potty stops . . .

It helped a lot to be able to spend a couple of hours in Tucson with D, going out to lunch and to see "Prince of Persia" (an expensive nap for D who had been up since 11 pmish the night before . . . He WANTED to see the movie, but with a belly full of delicious Italian food, and a dark theater, he simply passed out. When the movie was over, he looked over at me, and said "Is it just my imagination, or was that movie like ten minutes long?!??" LOL . . . Now he will have the fun of going to see it AGAIN . . . for the very first time . . . ;o)

It also helped to stop in Phoenix and spend a little time playing with two other ADORABLE grandsons . . . G even SMILED at me . . . WHILE I was holding him!!! =o) YAY for grandkids who don't think we suck!!! LOL . . . I know it is just the age he is . . . little ones go through a stage where they are VERY aware of who is 'us' and who is NOT . . . and they don't always see us enough to realize how cool we are . . . ;o) So that needs to change . . .

Now we are HOME . . .

WOW . . .

The house feels SO empty . . .

D2 is here . . . and on the weekends and late at night, when he gets home from work (if we are still up) we get to visit with him . . . and inbetween those times, we have his dirty dishes in the sink to treasure as evidence he still lives . . . but this is definitely going to take some getting used to . . . especially for grampa M, as I leave again for Utah this time . . . He gets almost two weeks of what B lived with for the past year . . .

I hope it isn't TOO lonely for him . . . and that it makes him REALLY really REALLY miss me so that he is very glad to see me when I get back . . .

I think after this Utah trip that it will really sink in . . . all these changes . . . and then we can get busy adjusting to our 'new' life . . . sans adorable, cherubic little noise-and-mess makers on a daily basis . . .

I THINK we can do this . . .




Guess we will find out . . .

SO LONG . . . FAREWELL . . . ETC . . .

Heading off to the wild blue yonder . . .

HMMMM . . . or at least the wild brown yonder . . . Seems like Texas is mostly brownish, though perhaps I am mistaken . . .

This is a bittersweet trip . . .

It is GOOD that a little family will be reunited . . . VERY good . . .

But MAN will we ever miss these precious little munchkins . . .

I guess we need to just concentrate on how grateful we are that B was willing to share them for this long, and simply for the fact that we have had the opportunity to know them so intimately . . .

I love my family . . .

FEELING BLAH . . . BLAH . . . BLAH-GGY . . .

I really had high hopes for this blog when I started it . . . I like to write . . . HMMMM . . . no . . . I LOVE to write . . . but sometimes weeks at a time go by without me posting a word . . . I am not sure what is going on with me, but it feels weird . . . It feels very UNlike me . . .

Usually I can always find something to write about . . . That is what I DO . . . but in the year since I began this blog, it seems like when I do write, that I have to MAKE myself write . . .

I still like the idea of a blog . . . I WANT to write a blog . . .

Maybe it is the thought that other people can read this (might read this?) that throws me off . . . Since I have no way of knowing who has stopped by (unless they leave a comment) and people rarely leave comments, I am not sure if the lack of responses makes me feel . . . well . . . boring? Or perhaps it is the possibility that ANYBODY (and by extension EVERYBODY) could be reading what I write that might have given me some kind of cyber stage fright . . . ?

I do not know . . .

All I DO know is that I really wanted to give a blog a good, honest try . . . I just cannot really get into Facebook . . . and this seems like an acceptable alternative . . . It involves a medium that I love (writing) . . . and allows me both the escape of self expression and a way for my kids and extended family to get to know me as a PERSON . . . not just as a wife/mom/sister/etc.

I think I will try this blog thing for another year . . . and if at the end of that time, it STILL feels like pulling teeth to write entries . . . I will wave a white flag and give up my little online experiment . . . But I REALLY really REALLY hope that this becomes a creative outlet where I can write and share from my heart . . . even if nobody else reads it but ME . . . There is value in the pondering and self reflection and the exercise of putting life experiences and feelings into words, even without an audience . . .

I WANT to be a blogger . . . so I will try for a little longer . . .

I don't post personal or family photographs . . . I simply am not a photographer . . . I also keep personal details minimal . . . but this IS . . . for what it is worth . . . ME . . .

Welcome to my world . . . ;o)

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY . . .

Mother's day can be kind of a day of mixed emotions . . .

Oh, I, personally, have LOVED being a mother . . . and I was lucky enough to have an awesome mom, myself . . . Honestly, I feel like I won some kind of celestial lottery to have had the mother that I had . . .

She wasn't perfect . . . but she was an INCREDIBLE woman . . . talented . . . patient (and she can thank ME for MUCH of that patience, too, since *I* taught her most of it) . . . wise . . . insightful . . . committed to BEING a mom . . . and on top of everything else, she was a FUN mom . . . I think that she genuinely enjoyed us (when she wasn't too busy being frazzled and running a million different directions at once (as there were seven of us children) . . . I absolutely love that I have SO many memories of her ENJOYING us . . . laughing with us . . . reading to us . . . playing games with us . . . rolling her eyes at us . . . LOL . . . despite my family's problems and issues, we laughed a LOT . . . I am grateful for those memories . . .

Interestingly enough . . . I do not know if SHE would have claimed to have been a great mother . . . I think she tended to see her flaws more than her strengths . . . but she WAS, indeed, an awesome mom . . .

And I am grateful in more ways that I can possibly count that her love and light and example touched and blessed my life SO intimately for soooooooo many years . . .

I hope that my own children have even half as many wonderful memories of ME as I do of HER . . .




Though to my credit . . . I have NEVER served my children reconstituted powdered milk . . . ;o)

IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES . . . IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES . . .

One of my favorite memories from my childhood is when my mom would come tuck us in to bed at night. There were seven of us children, so the ritual had to be time consuming and exhausting for her, but she would take a few moments with each of us, one-by-one, and say prayers with us (or listen to our prayers), and then take a moment or two to talk and listen . . . She would always ask each of us "what was the worst thing that happened to you today?" followed by "and what was the best thing that happened to you today?" . . .

I think the order of her questions was deliberate . . . It was a chance to unload and share some humiliation or heartache -- large or small -- after it had had a little time to lose some of its newness and the fresh sting . . . Being picked last for a team . . . a friend's betrayal . . . something upsetting that had been witnessed . . . a discouraging setback . . . some real or imagined injustice . . . nothing was too inconsequential or too monumental to be shared in those quiet twilight moments when you had mom's attention all to yourself . . .

Somehow the simple act of sharing them immediately made the burden lighter . . . NOTHING seemed quite as awful afterwards, and she always had a few words of encouragement that made it bearable, somehow . . .

Then, with her second question focusing on some triumph or happy surprise, it was a chance to relive the spotlight, and remember the highlight of the day . . . an unexpectedly good grade on a spelling test . . . a new friend made at recess . . . the discovery of a new talent . . . a book that had captivated and delighted . . . a funny joke that begged to be repeated . . . How I would SEARCH my memory of the day's activities to decide just WHICH happy thing had been the best of all . . . That exercise kept us focused on -- and grateful for -- ALL the little happy triumphs that day had held . . .

Looking back, she probably only spent a few minutes at each of our bedsides . . . but it was a comforting ritual that ended each day with a secure feeling of sweetness and love . . . For that few moments you had her ENTIRE attention and she was yours, alone . . .

I absolutely LOVE those memories . . .

It is a tradition that I tried to pass along to my own children . . . and it is nowhere near as easy as it sounds like it would be . . . Some days were EXHAUSTING, and I wanted to just stick my kids in their beds and simply pray they would stay there . . . Still, I tried my imperfect best . . . because I wanted with all my heart for MY children to close their days with that same sense of cherished security that I had had . . .

I do not know that I did it as well as she did . . . but I did try . . .





And still . . . all these years down the road . . . some nights as I lay in bed waiting to fall asleep . . . I can still feel her gentle soothing touch on my forehead and I wish SO much that I could again have her sit on the edge of my bed and ask me those two questions again . . .




Thank you, mom . . . Thank you SO much . . .